I Recognize Those Cavernous Eyes

You’re staring up at me with those big, bright green eyes,Asking me to tell no more, no more lies,
Little did I know that you were lying, laying next to me,
So now I’m lying to myself.

You’re keeping secrets with your cards, close to your chest
My queen of hearts is missing, and I don’t know what that means yet
I lay them down, right there besides what’s left of you
And now I realize there’s two things I can do.

I’ve walked this road a million times alone,
Losing hope, losing sleep, everything that was me.
Don’t try to hold me back, because tonight I’m drowning myself
In whiskey smoke and defeat

It’s a sad walk home from the corner bar,
Longest walk I’ve had, since I’m dragging my feet.
I’m in bed with you, but you’re somewhere else.
And when my eyes close I wish someone would drag me back to hell.

I know that this is for the best,
Everything in life comes to an end,
You’ve paid your dues, you bet and you lose,
Now it’s time for you to choose.

So pick your poison, and make it quick
Don’t fuck this up, and make it stick.

Time is all that we have, to live is to succumb and fall away.
We are easily broken, and oh so hard to repair.

Do you believe you matter? Like angels watch over you?
It’s just pride of man, the fear of being alone.

That nagging feeling inside, to end your life in a crash of flames,
That’s just your mortality coming clear, and now you’re champing at the bit

We’re all tumbling souls, with a backwards way of life,
Music filling our ears, and hopes propelling us forward.
And though we’re scared to look down, we refuse to stop moving forward, to check what we left behind, and not bothering to plan the next step.
We leave our homes, with what we think we filled with bad apples. We walk away on our nests, when we feel we’ve outgrown them.

And on feet we’ve broken on our own, we walk into the unknown. We apologize to our friends, and our families kiss us goodbye. We try to make amends, reconcile our difference, and tie up all these loose ends. A nice little package, we hope everyone can understand. But in the end, we still fucking left. We still let THEM go. We still walked away on all we’ve known.

Goodbyes are forever, no matter how long you’re gone. 20 seconds, or 20 years. Whether you left your wallet, or lost at sea, you still come back different, changed, broken, whole or whatever it is that life throws at us. So “I’ll be back before you know it” truly means just that. The second we walk out that door, we start forgetting, bit by a bit. A lovers perfume, a best friend’s smile, or the simple pressure of a handshake. It’s swallowed in obscurity, the dark recesses of our minds. And yeah, we might come back. Hell, we might never leave again. But that memory, that moment, will never stay fully intact. The second, you close that door, it’s a chapter of your life. It’s a story that you could have told, but have chosen to change.

A different city, a different lifestyle. You might tolerate it, you might even like it, but it’ll never be home. No matter how hard you try, you won’t memorize the streets as easy as you could when you were a kid. The wind will feel different, the breeze breathing a feeling you can’t quite put a finger on, but you know it’s there. Nagging. Probing. Begging you to remember. Promises you wanted to keep. People you swore you’d never forget. Just like the tattoos you’ve hidden on your body, you’ve covered it up. You’ve changed, no matter how much you’re willing to admit it.

And that leaves me where I am. Here. Watching & waiting. Because that nagging, it’s me. That small voice inside your head saying come home? Me again. Because that second you shut your eyes, and slow that forward motion, I will wrap my arms around you and pull you back. And everything will be erased. Your beliefs, your memories, your actions. Because the past never dies.

The banging door, the acrid smell of smoke.
I’ve lived here for years and the lock finally broke.
The screen door slamming, screaming, for the rain
The fireplace burning, embodying your pain.

But I feel nothing, not sadness nor regret,
It all seems hopeless when you’re best friends are all dead.
I pray at night, wishing for your ghosts.
I felt like I died that night, and it’s getting harder to cope.

Cigarettes only hold off the memory so long, my pens on paper
Ink like blood, writing the words to this song.
You might not remember, but how can I forget?
The day you walked away, you said this wasn’t forever.

But I never saw you again.
So farewell my friend

I wish you well.

The streets are lined with ghosts, of heroes and failures, and honest men and liars
Who amounted to something/nothing

Life is bleak, and empty. Full of aimless directions.
Go to school, get a job, work your life away, but still die alone. 

(Bridge) Sitting at the diner, dirty glass half empty I raise the cup
to my lips, knowing nothing will ever be this good again, so I can just stop pretending.

That I’ll ever amount to anything, a light so bright it burnt itself out early.
No future, no hope, no chance for change.

I let my hair grow out, and you won’t recognize me, I hate the world and everything I see.
You can’t change my mind, one good deed won’t change the beast of humanity.

Look into my eyes, one last time.
You’ll finally see they’re cold and dead.

Just give up.
Let go.
No one cares about you.
I tried. I failed.